I'm not a natural-born citizen, but if I were to run for President, my platform would hinge on not just the usual liberal stuff I always go on and on about like voting rights, freedom of choice, minimum wage, drug legalization, etc., but these two items I would push in particular:
Louis Gray,
Iván Abrego,
April Russo (FForever!),
Steven Perez,
Anne Bouey,
Greg GuitarBuster,
Verde,
Σωτηρης Καρουτσος,
AHnix (Anna Haro),
MoTO Boychick Devil,
Amir,
Bruce Lewis,
Eivind,
Jenny H.,
Big Joe Silenced,
AutumnWinter,
imabonehead,
Steve C, Team Marina,
Gabrielle,
WoH: Professor MOTHRA,
Brent Schaus,
Spidra Webster,
Kristin,
vicster.,
Jason P,
Stephan Planken,
bentley,
Tamara J. B.,
Jennifer Dittrich,
Corinne L,
That's So CAJ!,
Mark H,
and
Sir Shuping is just sir
liked this
1. No more time changes, ffs.
- Stephen Mack
2. Before Halloween, ONLY Halloween decorations. Before Thanksgiving, ONLY Thanksgiving decorations. Christmas decorations, carols, and sales before December 1 will be considered treason.
- Stephen Mack
In conclusion, please vote for me in 2016.
- Stephen Mack
(Photo lifted at random from http://viamyviewfinder.blogspot.com/2012...)
- Stephen Mack
Mr Mack! Mr Mack! If I could follow up on #2, what is your position on seasonal latte beverages?
- Andrew C (✔)
It's a weak platform but it does benefit from being achievable so that's something.
- Mark H
Andrew, thank you. This is difficult to say. You may have seen press reports about some of my earlier papers, written when I was in college (and highly impressionable), endorsing pumpkin spice lattes, eggnog lattes, peppermint lattes, and other similar fare. Let me be clear: I WISH TO REFUDIATE ANY POSITIVE WORDS I HAVE EVER WRITTEN IN THE PAST ABOUT SUCH ITEMS IN THE MOST STRIDENT POSSIBLE MANNER. If elected, I will amend NAFTA to make such abominations illegal, except during a brief period from December 12 to December 28 annually, and only if warning signs are posted within 200 yards of the establishment purveying such.
- Stephen Mack
Mark, my staff and I thank you for the glowing endorsement. I will now kiss your wife and/or baby and firmly shake your hand while gazing around the room.
- Stephen Mack
FLIP-FLOPPER
- Andrew C (✔)
I can agree with most, but I would propose a change in #2. Christmas decorations are only allowed the earliest of thanskgiving weekend. Its the long weekend to spend to put everything up. And they must be taken down by the 15th of Jan (This is leniency due to vacations, trips, and recovery from the holiday hangovers.) I would also like to offer that valentines and easter decorations/gifts/mentions are not allowed until a month before the actual holiday. #DownwithHolidayCreep!
- CW
We have no babies (by choice) and my wife finds public displays of affection from strangers abhorrent. You'd still have our vote if you campaigned in a mankini, though, because we welcome challenging politicians.
- Mark H
*puts on ball gown and beret*
- Johnny
*digs for blackmail material on Mr. Mack, hopes to make a fortune*
- Brian Johns
CW, I would hereby like to offer you the position of Running Mate. Mark, you are hereby hired as my wardrobe consultant. Johnny, you are elected Chief of Chief of Staff. Sparky, you're going to be BUSY, there's an awful lot of dirt out there. Fortunately, I believe that thanks to my two positions enumerated above, I will be elected in a landslide despite my youthful "indiscretions."
- Stephen Mack
You want us to elect you on your number 1 and number 2. Sounds like a typical politician to me. #shitofthebulls
- Kristin
Stephen, I'd like to be your press secretary. This is a campaign I can get behind.
- Corinne L
Welcome aboard, Corinne! Kristin, my #2 doesn't stink.
- Stephen Mack
Where were you born?
- Meg VMeg
Don't answer that, if it's, like, related to a security question or something.
- Meg VMeg
My money is on Kenya.
- Kristin
Ha! (England.)
- Stephen Mack
One of us!!!!
- WoH: Professor MOTHRA
That's all the time we have today for questions.
- Corinne L
*is escorted off-stage while holding up Nixon v-fingers and making Howard Dean yelps*
- Stephen Mack
Stephen, you are the bright spot in my evening. Want to come take over Sacramento city government with me?
- Corinne L
Sounds fun! Are there a lot of kickbacks in it for us?
- Stephen Mack
Of course! How about arena naming rights? Or perhaps free parking in perpetuity?
- Corinne L
When are you going to post your birth certificate? And your income tax? But mainly your birth certificate?
- Stephan Planken
Please hold all questions until our next press conference tomorrow at noon Pacific Standard Time. Thank you.
- Corinne L
You won't be running unopposed. I'll be running against you on a platform that includes year round egg nog, requires some actual pumpkin flavor in all things "pumpkin spice" (not just the spices), and allows nothing Christmas related until Santa enters Macy's at the end of the Thanksgiving Day parade, the way it should be. Halloween things will be allowed year round, for the benefit of those that like to decorate their homes in creepy gothy things, all the time. And Valentine's Day will be outlawed, replaced with Half-priced Chocolate Day. And August 10 will become an official national holiday known as Friendfeed Day, because August needs a holiday and well, celebrating Friendfeed should be it. Any employers requiring their employees to work on that day will be required to pay them triple time and give them an alternate day off with pay.
- April Russo (FForever!)
I want to pick this thread up and hug it.
- MoTO Boychick Devil
Please refrain from touching the candidate, sir. Thank you.
- Corinne L
PEOPLE OF FRIENDFEED: I'd like to announce my third key platform item: Any big-box retailer that opens on Thanksgiving will be levied a special tax on sales on Thanksgiving Day -- at the rate of 100%.
- Stephen Mack